Lotte Lane

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I miss my nan

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I miss my nan

Yesterday was one of those days when I wanted to eat my feelings. Given I’m trying to make healthy choices right now my comfort eating took on ridiculously crunchy tones. Wholewheat spelt spaghetti and lentil sauce anyone? How about some cashew and cacao nice-cream?

Now, no matter how much I ate yesterday I couldn’t shake that unsettled feeling, and by the time it got to toothbrush time I found myself in tears. I looked in the mirror (blotchy and haggard, a smear of nice-cream on my chin) and a voice from within me wailed out “I MISS MY NAN!!!”.

My Nan died three years ago, in her nineties, an entirely proper time for her to go. I know many people who’ve lost loved ones much more cruelly. And yet, I always knew her loss would hit me hard. Growing up, she was my favourite person. My constant. She loved me unconditionally, unwaveringly, and her big bosomy cuddles were the best.

In my navel-gazey way I couldn’t help but ask why I was missing her so much at that moment. What was it about my Nan that little voice was missing?

The answer came out clear. COMFORT.

This last week has been one of those weeks when I’ve been especially focussed on other people’s needs. As a mother, wife, friend etc I’m always going to be.

But I also know the importance of looking after myself too. Because if you ignore your own needs too long, if you dismiss that little voice, if you don’t comfort YOU, things can end up messy. And not just in an ice-cream all over your face kinda way.

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